BTude w t f ?

BTude a.k.a. GlassHoppah on the beaches of
Kaneohe, Hawaii, United States ... a 30 sumthin' attitudinally impaired brat, just returning to college. Is that a disability? Overworked, underpaid and in the midst of a major career change. Dare you ask for more about b'tude...

+ shameless plugz: 03.12.2005
+ back to school: week 9
+ fresh off the jet: the flying penguini's arrive on...
+ back to school: week 8
+ shameless plugz: 03.01.2005
+ research: b.c./a.d. vs. c.e./b.c.e.
+ back to school: week 7
+ back to school: week 6
+ shameless plugz: 02.18.2005
+ bitch and bull: 02.11.2005

16 March 2005

domestic bender

I need the practice, so sit down, cozy up, nuke some popcorn, and listen closely…


I am…

I am going…

I am going to…

I am going to be…

I am going to be a…

I am going to be a… (ready for the kicker?)

I am going to be a grandmother.

Me, that’s right. Me… and all of my 39 years are going to be a grandmother.

W T F.

This should be a wonderful moment of merriment and celebration…


No. I am only 39 years old.

My brilliant eldest spawn and all of his 18.8 years decided he was too studly for a condom on a booty call, and now there is a 21 year old (I’ll be nice—but use your imagination here) “chick” running around carrying my grandchild for the next hrmmm it sounds like 7 months to go (don’t let me think past this point for now, please!)

Whew, I said it out loud. I said it in public. I told dearest friend A, whose response was a simple round of “fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Repeated 3 times over.

My nearest and dearest, DB in all his dubious wisdom was right. He’s always right; the “phone call” could have been only one of two things, my ex od’d or my son knocked some girl up… I digress. He’s always right.

While I have no alternative but to be supportive, understand my position… this is not a good thing—he’s a kid, and she’s senseless. My son may be all grown up on the outside, but emotionally, he’s still a youngstah, himself. No steady job, to boot.

So, I’m still in shock, and honestly we’ve expected it, but the moment of truth is still incredulous to say the least.

I’m in an odd place in mind and time; we hadn’t made a final decision on if *we* were going to have a baby, yet. Weirdness abounds.

So my faithful readers let me leave you on this note…

I get to go from 0-60 overnight—no mo’ sweet young thang, but I get to skip middle-age and go straight to senior citizenship—Do I at least get some kind of discount card? ;)

Seriously, I’m all right, just trying to cope with my uhhhh, newly appointed ‘status.’

Thanks for listenin’


scrawled by BTude a.k.a. GlassHoppah @ Wednesday, March 16, 2005

21 bitches:

@ 16 March, 2005 06:31, Blogger Kim eloquently stated...

I know you don't want to hear this , but....... Y A Y !!!! You don't know it yet, but being a grandma is the bomb! I am 42. I have 4 grandkids, the oldest is 4. IT IS AWESOME! They ADORE you for starters, You're Grandma! They come over on their best behavior and then GO HOME! Excellent! You get to spoil them rotten and don't have to stay up all night because you gave them too much sugar. Aww! I'm so happy for you. Don't worry about the stability thing, it always works out, you'll see. And, PS........Screw that old lady shit, you are not, don't change a single thing about yourself, your gKids will love you for it! I KNOW!


@ 16 March, 2005 07:26, Blogger 3rd Times a Charm eloquently stated...

WOW! Ummm, I think Kim is on to somthing there. (I secretly look forward to Grandma status as well.) One of my worries with my soon to be 21 yr old son, is this very thing. (Has a serious relationship of 4 yrs) But all of the points Kim listed are things I look forward to. It may not be the ideal situation to bring a baby into, and I am sure you're still in shock (as I know I would be) but look towards the benefits of Grandma status. WOW! And grandma's arn't about Rocking chairs and knitting anymore. You are a young vital, livley, (and beautiful) grandma to be, and Kim is right again, those grandbabies are gonna love you for that too.


@ 16 March, 2005 07:27, Blogger Andy Land eloquently stated...

I gotta go with Christine here. This sucks. It will get better, but for now, this sucks!

It is no secret that I don't like kids. It should also come as no secret that I don't like most parents. While I have no qualms with grandparents I understand the pain that our beloved Bitch is going through.

There's a sense of failure in preventing the son from making the same youthful mistakes.

There's a sense of one's own mortality being told at a young age that you are now a grandparent.

There's NO benefit, monetarily, emotionally, physically, or otherwise to being a grandparent. Sure you get to see the little brat and send it home as opposed to having it to raise yourself, but that's about it.

There's a fear that your boneheaded kid will shack up with a more boneheaded lady and they will in turn do something so boneheaded that YOU will end up having to support them or worse, raise the kid yourself, bringing you back to the feeling of failure. Except this time the feeling comes from knowing that you're failing to be an adult in the best years of your life (through no fault of your own, mind you).

When the dust settles, you don't have to be supportive, but it would help. You don't have to be accepting, but it will make things easier. You don't have to be gracious or grateful about the "gift" of a grandchild, but it will probably happen because you're a good person.

Don't sweat it. You turned out fine and there's a good chance your son & grandchild will turn out just as well. Why? Because you care and you're a good person.

I won't congratulate you because in my world this is crappy news. I will however tell you that YOU are not an old lady knitting and reminiscing about the days when cars cost a nickel. You're a good person doing things to make your life better. Your son is his own person and is more than capable of screwing up his own life. Let him have the fun and don't let him ruin yours.

BTW, post one single photo of the little brat and I emove you from my bookmarks! :Þ


@ 16 March, 2005 07:39, Blogger marjo moore eloquently stated...

I didn't read all the comments, so I may be echoing someone here, but what the hell?

B'tude, who needs another old broad running around, pinching the young'uns cheeks? You're young enough & cool enuf that the kids will luv ya!


@ 16 March, 2005 08:25, Blogger Master Foley eloquently stated...



@ 16 March, 2005 08:50, Blogger Cara eloquently stated...

WOW! What can I say? Apparently you had your first child at the same age that I did and I could very well be in your shoes in 6 years. (or less for that matter)
I know this really has to suck right now but in time everything will be all right. Your son may not be mature enough to be a father but I know that you are mature enough to be a g-mother. You'll take one look at this child and instantly fall in love. They say you fall in love even more when it's your grandchild! Try to keep a good attitude about all of this while you reem your son a new one!


@ 16 March, 2005 09:24, Blogger Bud eloquently stated...

Hey Chris, Just back and rushed but want to check in quickly on this one. I agree it is crappy news but not for you. You are way too cool to let a label dictate who you are. Screw that shit.It's really not about you unless you get suckered into raising the kid. That would SO suck the big one! I think you have to lay the law down about that. NOW. The real issue is that this new kid doesn't have the best opportunity with teenaged parents. Ive seen a lot of those kids in 34 years of teaching. Sometimes it works out fine. Sometimes it's pretty grim. But the last bit of raising you can do for your 18 year old is called tough love. Don't make his fuck up easy for him. The best thing I ever did for my kid was to tell him at age 16 that he wasn't getting any money from me and that if he ever got arrested, lose my number, because I wasn't coming. He's lived a relatively responsible life and he's 32. Good luck, Christine!


@ 16 March, 2005 09:45, Blogger D Brooks eloquently stated...

There now, don't you feel better :)
DB is always right, rofl

Betch'er Booties Granny!!



@ 16 March, 2005 10:09, Blogger Becky eloquently stated...

Well, at least now you can be called G-MILF?

I don't blame you at all for being annoyed. My mom was also a G-ma at 39, when my 17 year old sister got pregnant. Fortunately, the dad disappeared (how odd is that to say?) and she eventually found an older guy who was willing to take her on and adopt the boy.

Now, back to you. Is he here, in Hawaii? I know this is tacky to say, but at least you're not the mother's mother or else then you'd really have to step in and help. I can't imagine being a 21 year old and wanting to have a baby with an 18 year old who was just a booty call, but that's just me.

But, nevertheless, I don't think that should stop you and DB from having kids of your own, if you decide you want them.


Aww, thank you everyone, yes even you, Andy--thanks for keeping it real--a lot of those things are processing through my mind, still. And you would *not* remove me from your bookmarks! lol

Kim, I'll be damned if I can figure out HOW you do it :) But hopefully I manage at least as well as you do :)

3T--I'll get there to the excited part, once the shock wears off, I'm sure!

Ms. Marjo--you're too cool. Thank you :)

Master Foley--DOH was one of the words that passed through my mind at the moment of the enlightening! I'm still surprised "you stupid fuck" never exited my mouth at that moment, either.

Cara, yup--I was twenty when I had him--I don't know how I managed not to reem him, but he definitely got an earful of what he could/should/f'in better be doing to take care of this child! He jokingly asked when I was flying him out here--his first taste of reality was that he wouldn't be vacationing anytime soon, because he had R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-I-E-S, now. ;)

Bud, this kid has been tough-loved for 3 years now and it won't stop. If anything he knows I will absolutely not support his childish decisions, and that won't change. My biggest concern is that this little wonder has everything it needs--and honestly, I don't think he has it in him to provide it. So the most I can do is educate him some more without handing it to him on a silver platter. That's the scariest part of it for us, right now.

DB, I will talk to you later about the granny comment--do we have to go out and shop for granny panties, now? *smirk*

Becky, darlin' thank you--That's good to hear things worked out for your sister. There's still good men out there. Anyhow, he's not over here, which will make it easier to stay sane for the duration and to avoid some of the temptation to help too much. I'll drop you an email just shortly!


@ 16 March, 2005 12:00, Blogger golfwidow eloquently stated...

Look on the bright side. You're going to be the only grandma I know of who can wear one of those "Hot Grandma" tee-shirts and have it be accurate.

(Yeah, I'm sure there are others out there, people. I said the only one I know of.)


@ 16 March, 2005 19:05, Blogger Alekx eloquently stated...

I stumbled onto your blog and had to giggle a bit at you breaking the "news" but hey, being a grandma this gives you an awesome excuse to now chase around young hot cabana boys and you can always blame it on being a dirty old lady, that being a grandma you need reassurance from the young studly types.
Congrats on the new status, and on the young cabana boys too.


@ 16 March, 2005 20:06, Blogger andrena eloquently stated... grateful! Here I am begging to be a grandma...I am 50 and really don't think Im gonna make it to see a grandkid. My oldest daughter is 25 and gay and really has no desire to have any kids...

my 17 year old is a dancing diva and is not even thinking bout boys yet...

and my 12 year old son ....oh well...maybe there is hope there..

but dang it! I wanna be able to at least chase enjoy them!!!

Keep your chin up!


Golfwidow... I think I should blush now...hehe thanks--the ego boost always works wonders!

Alekx--oh yes, cabana boys...unfortunately I've no use for them these days, but I can round them up for single friends...haha

Sugahboo, what a great grandmother you would make--I'm sure your day is coming! Thanks for stopping in and the chin up! :)


@ 17 March, 2005 05:58, Blogger Jade eloquently stated... we call you Grammie or Nana? lol ;-)
Ideal? No way. The end of the world? Not for a young hot grandmother like you!
Besides, you get your grandmothering off to an early start and you'll still be young enough to keep up with the kid when they reach their teens! ;-)
An amazing person will always make an amazing grandmother no matter how bad the situation may be! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son, and I suppose with "senseless" too since she's carrying the youngster for however many more months we aren't allowed to let you think
My sympathies?
Na, congrats girl!


@ 17 March, 2005 16:58, Blogger Aymiee eloquently stated...

Wow.. Congratulations first for being a grandmother!! Second... I had my little girl at 28 and it was still pretty tough! Especially now raising her alone. Many kids don't realize the amount of sacrifice involved. I see so many young kids (highschool) pregnant even in this day and age. When I was growing up there were a large number of schoolmates who graduated as mothers. luckily, your grandchild is going to be fortunate to have both parents around and strong loving grandparents.


@ 18 March, 2005 10:02, Anonymous rohin eloquently stated...

i just stumbled upon your blog and it is hella interesting, to say the least.

and moreover, it thrills me and fills me with glee to see your unapologetic view on being a premature grandmother.

i hope to read more of your catty writing in the future...


@ 18 March, 2005 11:03, Anonymous Dave eloquently stated...

Congrats! From one way premature grandparent to another (soon to be), get this one... at 36 one of my boys screwed up his entire life with some stupid.......... ah just leave it alone, I don't speak to her and she returns the favor by keeping her mouth shut.

But alas I have the most beautiful 2 year old granddaughter that ever walked the earth!

Take a sec to read this post and you'll know one of the joys;
Paw Paw


Jade--you're Right now, you call me the ol bitch who, if she has to take a flight over to kick some tail, is gonna be haulin some kids around by they ears--stupid girl missed a doctor's appointment--oy vay... grammie or nana, huh? Sheeesh, dunno! Haven't thought about it! I'm only used to mmmmmoooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmm mmm lol :)

Aymiee, thanks for stopping by! It's a huge sacrifice, and they unfortunately miss that aspect of it much of the time. Thank you so much for the vote of support!

Welcome Rohin, great comment. I'll get back to my regularly scheduled programming soon :) Lots of new meow coming your way, lol


Dave, that's sweet. I'll get to that safe, sweet, enjoy it zone--the shock will wear off sooner than later I hope! Your grandaughter sounds like a doll! I'll be as great as Kim says when it gets to the "spoil 'em and send 'em home part, too :)


@ 18 March, 2005 13:06, Blogger hexacontium eloquently stated...

wow, grandmother.. sounds horrible. I already got the creaps when my baby sister anounced proudly that I'll be an auntie soon. I guess my sister's situation is not much different than your boy's only that she's about 8 years older, which is sort of sad. Sometimes you can only wonder why people don't know anything about anticonception. But then again, at least for my sis everything turned out quiet well. She finally learnt to take some responsibility and she's grown up a bit more now. You're boy might be young, but I really wish him the best.


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